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The ‘U’ Turn of Love

Everyone dreams of that perfect moment where the stars are brightly lit in the sky, the breeze blowing serenely through your hair, sipping a glass of Champaign while gazing into your partner’s eyes. Oh, how surreal it is. It’s like time has taken a break from its tedious duties. What if things remain as it is? What if the sentiments of love delve through the sky like a kite soaring through the night? It would be magical, wouldn’t it? Find out what happens when the world turns upside down.

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Everyone dreams of that perfect moment where the stars are brightly lit in the sky, the breeze blowing serenely through your hair, sipping a glass of Champaign while gazing into your partner’s eyes. Oh, how surreal it is. It’s like time has taken a break from its tedious duties. What if things remain as it is? What if the sentiments of love delve through the sky like a kite soaring through the night? It would be magical, wouldn’t it?

Although love starts off with a spark that evolves with time, it takes that magical moment, comprehension, and compatibility to see the journey through.

Over the last decade or so, I’ve had a plethora of friends come up to me for relationship advice, now I’ve had my fair share of affairs but it makes me no expert none the least. For all I know they’d probably more about their partners than I. So, the million-dollar question here is ‘what really happened?’ When I sat with a colleague whom I had known for over a decade. I began by asking basic questions to establish a background of the situation. The colleague whom we’d address as Jack is a carefree bloke with a good private-sector job, a well to do family and quite he had his entire life sorted out or so it seemed. Natalie has strolled into Jacks life a few years ago and they instantly bonded. You know the whole sparks flying, butterflies in their tummies when they were close to each other etc., it seemed like Cupid had just aimed well.

Fast forward to the present day and nothing of that still remains. Why? What happened to Jack & Natalie? Natalie, is a steward at Sri Lankan Airlines, which made her travel extensively on short notice. This wasn’t an issue at first but subsequently, Jack began to miss her, so much so, that all he wanted was be around her as much as possible either physically or virtually. Now, the old adage of ‘too much something isn’t good’ applies here. Poor Natalie ended up feeling stifled! This beginning of a procession of issues from doubt, jealousy, anger management issues to insecurity etc.,

This is when I decided to do some research of my own before advising Jack on how to salvage his relationship. So here is what I picked up;

Always Commit Time for Discussion;

This ideally should be done immediately upon a disagreement or fight. We’ve all been there and quite frankly the sooner we resolve our differences the better.

Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D. believes committing to investing an hour-on an ongoing basis-to work on strengthening a relationship, troubleshooting and making it more satisfying could do wonders in the long run. Sure, it may sound a tad drab but getting your homework done or getting the couple’s maintenance handbook out of the way will pay dividends. So, make time for that important conversation.

Be Open About Your Feelings;

Psychotherapist Beth Sonnenberg, believes frequent confidence can bring you closer “Once you think that your feelings don’t matter, won’t be heard, or are not worth sharing, you open the door to harbour negativity and resentment.” People just need to be appreciated.

Show How You Feel;

Don’t just tell your partner how you feel, show him/her. Think about it, isn’t it more romantic to send your partner flowers on Valentine’s Day that just say you love her? Sure, it would work but trust me. Send flowers, just be sure not to overdo it.

Fight in A Productive Way;

If someone says ‘Hey we never fight’ you can rest assured that it’s a total load of rubbish. Every couple fights at some point or the other period. This actually is a good thing apart from assisting in de-stressing the occasional tiff actually helps couples get closer.

Psychotherapist Jennifer L. Silvershein, feels that being specific about how your partner’s actions impact you will aid in some way.

For instance, “When you forget to text when you’ll be late, it makes me feel like you don’t care.” “When we begin shifting our language to share how our partner’s behaviour makes us feel rather than just telling them what to do, I find that couples become more fluid and more aligned in their daily functioning,” she says.

Ask for Advice;

Sure, you’d be better off solving your problems, after all, who knows your partner more than you? Well, you couldn’t be more wrong there, buddy. A fresh out of the box perspective is more valuable than ever. It keeps your relationship intact and guides you on the right path. Think about it, if someone looks at the world through a coloured bottle what colour would the world seem to him/her? Wouldn’t his perspective or rather world be the hue of the bottle? This is why an outside opinion is invaluable. You could also ask some of your friends how they handle their differences? Just be gentle about it

I am glad Jack reached out to me, not only did he and Natalie reconcile but they ended up getting engaged as well. I couldn’t be happier for them. They deserve a world of joy and I am certain they will achieve it someday. Sometimes in life, all that’s required is a tiny push in the right direction and along the way, we’d figure out the nitty-gritty of life. Just remember life is beautiful only if you make that conscious effort to make it beautiful.

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